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"Why would l validate? Especially when they don’t deserve it!" There are multiple reasons to validate. Yeah, one reason is to make the other person feel better, but there are several other options as to why you might want to do it even when you don’t feel like it. Read on to learn about a few that might help you stomach the idea a little easier. Reason #1: Because it allows you to establish your personal limits/boundaries. Maybe you didn’t know that validation isn’t just the “warm and fuzzies” of communication. In fact, sometimes it can involve actual confrontation. According to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), the highest level of validation (“Radical Genuineness”) is about being real, and at times, calling out “the elephant in the room.” When I call out a salty adolescent who is working hard to upset their parent by yelling, cussing, or behaving rudely, I am actually validating them in a weird sort of way. How? I’m validating that one of their goals (to behave badly) hit the mark. In essence, I am saying (without saying it) that “Yes, you are correct, that is generally established in society as an inappropriate way to behave. I do not like it.” If I ignored or downplayed it, it would be INvalidation because it fails to acknowledge the obvious truth of the situation: The kid is acting like a shit…and knows it. If the parent doesn’t acknowledge the obvious, the kid can only conclude a few things: the parent is insane or weak, the parent is a fake poser, or they are just a bad kid (but the parent is too angelic to notice). None of these are optimal conclusions. Reason #2: Because this is not the Twilight Zone. When a patient shows me self-inflicted cuts on their body, I can promise you I will display a cringe-face. Why? Because that is a normal reaction and this is not the Twilight Zone. Could I control that if I wanted to? Yes. But to do so would be going against my natural (human) response of empathizing with pain. The patient has stopped reacting to physical pain in this way. Why in the world would I control my reaction to match theirs? Some people worry that doing so would reinforce a patient’s need for attention. The problem is, if that hypothesis is true, then the patient will need to increase the severity of the cutting in order to gain my attention…not a great setup. My grimace is a validation that yes, that looks painful. Yes, you hurt yourself. And yes, it is abnormal. Stop trying to change people’s behavior by inhibiting your own normal, natural reactions. That’s just weird. Reason #3: Because it’s easier than fighting. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll see you can pretty much validate in your sleep. Even if you mess up, you can always recover immediately by validating how much it must suck for them to have to deal with your mess up. This can be super helpful in bringing strong emotions down a notch. The key is to take yourself (and your ego) out of the equation. If you fully commit to not taking anything personally, you can save a ton of effort you would have wasted in trying to win. It is literally possible to validate ANYTHING. Reason #4: Because they are more likely to hear you out. You have a point to make and they have a point to make. Let them go first. If they say “you don’t understand,” trust me, you don’t. Try again. If they say a thing more than once, I can assure you they don’t think you got it. Try again. Most people have to feel like they are heard and that you somewhat “get” their point before hearing the other person out. It’s like we each have a performance prepared and want an engrossed audience. We don’t want the one audience member jumping to upstage us with their song and dance. Pay attention, validate, and wait your turn. You’ll want an attentive spectator, so do your part and hopefully, they will do theirs. Yes, to validate is mostly about communicating like a decent human being to others, but it also has some great side effects for us too. I mean, after all, we deserve it ;) —Stephanie Vaughn, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist-HSP, owner of PSYCHē

As a psychotherapist, one of my absolute, favorite moves of all time is when I meet a new client who sheepishly admits that they want a romantic relationship in spite of believing that they shouldn’t: “So you’re a “Turtle Dove.” With this statement, my hope is that I begin to unravel the years of twisted thinking they’ve been exposed to suggesting that they “need to learn how to be ok with being alone.” Why should they be alone? Because they REALLY don’t want to be alone? Because they are uncomfortable and sad being alone? Because they desire a significant other more than anything else in their lives? So there must be something wrong with them. They must be deficient in some way. They must have a “love addiction” or low self-esteem. Wow. Are we really that sadistic??? Never mind the fact that if the same client said they absolutely DIDN’T want a relationship, that would be considered a whole other problem. Our industry is so messed up sometimes, I swear. To me, these clients are like fish who heard they were supposed to know how to fly. Some were actually diagnosed with “love addiction” while others worry after a well-meaning friend or family member accused them of “jumping from relationship to relationship,” or they read an “empowering” article leading them to conclude that something is wrong with them. Virtually all feel deficient at their core because what they want more than anything in the world is to be in a satisfying and attached romantic relationship….like that is somehow super messed-up. So what is a “Turtle Dove?” The gist of it is this: Much like the actual bird, a “Turtle Dove” person is biologically programmed to pair up with a partner. One romantic partner. It is their nature. It’s probably coded somewhere in their DNA. To tell a “Turtle Dove” to stop wanting to pair up is like telling a crocodile to “go vegan.” Not possible…and cruel to expect. We all have a certain “nature.” Yes, we overcome it at times, but more often than not, our nature wins out in the end. If you look back at your drives and temperament in childhood you probably see what I mean. “Turtle Doves” are happiest and are at their best when they are in a monogamous romantic relationship. Now don’t get me wrong—I do believe there are situations in which people could use some help with their relationship history patterns. I have even prescribed periods of “singlehood” for clients, but I never recommend that lightly. I think of it like a cleanse or a fast with a definite beginning, a definite end, and no waiting around for them to be “happy” with the feeling. I know that eventually, a “Turtle Dove” will need to pursue a partner. Humans were wired to connect through relationships and a “Turtle Dove’s” strongest connection happens to be through romantic attachment. It is what it is. As clinicians, we should instead be concerned if a “Turtle Dove” loses the desire to find a partner, THAT’S when you know something is definitely wrong. Some “Turtle Doves” never discover their nature simply because they find a mate so fast they never have to experience the pain of being unattached. They were fortunate enough to end up with a partner they could snuggle up with and peer down at the lonely singles from their solid tree branch. This leads me to another of my favorite therapeutic interventions: I point out that often, the “well meaning” souls who suggested that my client remain single in the first place are people who happen to be in committed, long-term relationships. It’s kind of like being filthy rich and lecturing a homeless person on how money can’t buy happiness. Easy for them to say. If you are at all confused about the point, let me be clear: There is absolutely nothing wrong with a person just because they want to be in a romantic relationship more than anything else in the world. Stop telling friends, family members, and therapy clients that they “need to be ok” by themselves. It may not be their nature. Maybe instead, help them spiff up their online dating profile, find speed dating events, or help get them out of the house so they are more likely to find a match. I can promise you, there are few things more satisfying than seeing a sad and lonely “Turtle Dove” finally find true love 🥰 —Stephanie Vaughn, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist-HSP, owner of PSYCHē

Validation is a skill. I don’t care what that one angry lady from Vermont said at my DBT presentation a few years ago, validation is NOT “a way of life.” It is a skill we can use or not. Quick review on what validation is: Validation is a communication strategy that involves a stubborn refusal to communicate with another person in a way that leads to them feeling crazy, fragile, stupid, wrong, or bad. Please do not make the mistake of thinking that the message is that you HAVE TO validate all of the time. First of all, you don’t HAVE TO do anything, and second, Invalidation is inevitable and necessary at times [more on that in a future blog]. That being said, once you understand what validation is and HOW to do it, you then have a choice as to whether to use it or not. Sometimes it comes easy but other times it seems absolutely impossible. Understanding things that get in the way is vital in order to maintain that freedom of choice. Validation is the opposite of communicating with the main goal of trying to get the person to change. Even if that attempt to change them is “for the better,” (as in, “I just want them to feel better about themselves”), that is STILL not validation. Finally, in theory, there is SOMETHING valid in everything, so if we look hard enough, we can find it. Note that I used the word “if.” More on that in a minute. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a model of therapy that is all about validation. Seeing as it’s also one of the treatments of choice for extremely severe issues such as repeated suicide attempts and self-injury, we can pretty much count on that validation is an important skill to learn. Good DBT therapists know how to validate in some of the toughest situations imaginable. Think about someone talking about cutting themselves or overdosing—imagine what is involved in figuring out what to validate! Fear of making the problem worse by validating is one of the MAIN reasons why therapists fail to validate in these scenarios. Instead, they jump immediately to trying to change things and in effect, alienate their suicidal client. So that leads me back to the “if” part. Even if you know HOW to validate, it doesn’t mean that you WILL validate. We don’t do so for various reasons. Some barriers are: Fear: We don’t want to make the problem worse Ego: We don’t want the person to think or feel xyz about us and/or we think validating would mean admitting defeat or weakness Anger: We are so pissed we actually cannot access the thinking part of our brain Bitterness: We withhold validation because “they don’t deserve it” To Harm: We actively INvalidate to “show them what it’s like” Creativity block: We can’t figure out what to validate without lying or being insincere What to do depends upon the reason or reasons why it is difficult to validate. In the example of working with a client who is suicidal or self-harms, it is important for the therapist to remember that CHANGING the client [to feel better, to not be suicidal, to not self-harm etc.] is the END goal, but not the FIRST goal. Accepting help from a therapist is only possible once a client believes that the therapist actually “gets it.” Same for the people in YOUR life you would like to change. Same for anyone. If you don’t FIRST forget yourself entirely, get into the other person’s world, and effectively mirror their experience back to them, they cannot feel confident that your help would be of any help at all.

One of the hardest parts about dealing with a mental health condition is the isolation, loneliness, and lack of connection one struggles with. It's the exact opposite of what's required when going through a difficult time. This is where group therapy comes in. What is group therapy? Simply put, it’s a form of psychotherapy involving one or more therapists working with a group of individuals struggling with similar issues. While it can provide the often-needed support to the clients, on the flip side, it might seem intimidating and scary to open up to strangers. What’s important is for the individual to join the right kind of group at the right time to be able to realize the many benefits of group therapy. Types of Group Therapy A person can join different types of group therapy depending on their preference and mental health condition. This is one of the reasons why group therapy can be so effective. Let’s explore the four main types of group therapy: Psychoeducational Group Therapy: As the name suggests, psychoeducational groups are aimed at providing knowledge to clients about their condition and help them cope with it. These groups work well for conditions like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and phobias. Support Group Therapy: Support group therapy has unconditional acceptance and encouragement as its goal. People in this type of group share their stories and challenges while seeking support from other members. Alcoholics Anonymous is an example of a support group. Process Group Therapy: Process groups, while led by a licensed therapist, are more unstructured in nature. Unlike psychoeducational groups, they don’t focus on a single topic. The focus is on the interpersonal processes. People encourage each other to develop self-awareness and foster deep connections. Skills Development Group Therapy: Skills development groups are highly effective in cultivating and honing specific, constructive skills. Members can practice these skills with each other in the group setting and later implement in their real life. An example of a skills group is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group. Benefits of Group Therapy Group therapy isn’t as popular as individual psychotherapy and thus its many benefits aren’t widely known. However, people who do go through group therapy come out with fresh perspectives, better strategies to cope with their condition, and even new friendships. Here are some ways in which group therapy can prove to be highly beneficial: Reduces the feelings of loneliness and isolation: Struggling with a mental health issue is an incredibly difficult experience. What makes it worse is the feelings of isolation that accompany it. Group therapy helps one realize that they are not alone and there are many others who can truly empathize with them. Offers support and encouragement: Since the people in the group understand what it’s like to deal with a mental health condition, they are highly supportive and encouraging towards others. Every small victory is cheered and every setback is met with support. Opens you to new perspectives: Hearing others talk about their situations, challenges, and how they cope with it can provide a unique perspective on the problems one is facing. It allows you to be open-minded and think differently. Gives you a safe space: Group therapy lets everyone freely talk about their problems and deepest emotions without any fear of judgment. Every voice is heard and respected. Just as in individual therapy, groups remain confidential so that each member can be their authentic self. Instill hope and optimism: In the throes of a mental health struggle, the light at the end of the tunnel is barely visible. Hearing stories of others who have overcome similar challenges can make that light seem a bit brighter, reigniting hope and optimism in recovery. Teaches you adaptive strategies: A trained therapist is often there to guide the group therapy session and teach adaptive strategies to cope with issues one is facing. Learning also comes through other people who share what helps them overcome certain challenges. Conclusion Group therapy comes with a myriad of advantages. It can seem a little daunting at first, which is natural for everyone in the beginning, but as you meet others, that feeling of awkwardness fades away and a sense of belonging sets in. We at PSYCHē provide virtual group therapy covering various skills. Every group is led by a handpicked licensed clinician who is an expert in their field. Interested in Skills Groups? That's where we come in. Reach out to PSYCHē for more information, learn more about our expert therapists, or book a consultation online today. We offer multiple DBT Skills Groups as well as an RO-DBT Skills Group. Groups are like a class, not therapy. Click the link to enroll in a group today.

Do you find yourself rolling your eyes at the mention of mindfulness, meditation, and self-help books? You’re not alone. The culture around mental health can sometimes appear overly complex or just downright un-relatable. Our goal is to cut through the fluff to provide direct, unfiltered advice, minus the sugar coating. In this article, we’ll look at some coping techniques for those who prefer their mental wellness with a side of skepticism. Consider this a no-nonsense guide for the skeptics, the eye-rollers, and the unimpressed. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t involve a single scented candle. Somehow, someway, the majority of people have coped with crises and bad feelings for centuries without essential oils, guided imagery, or inner child work. They didn’t call a friend for support, cry on the shoulder of a loved one, or read self-help books on vulnerability. They did not just cope, but EFFECTIVELY and SKILLFULLY coped. They did not destroy relationships, start a new addiction, harm themselves or someone else, give up and wither away, or otherwise make the problem worse. I’m talking about people who may or may not be in therapy. What a person naturally chooses to use for coping usually fits their personality. Many of the people I’ve treated who self-harm, for example, have some really great personality characteristics. They typically try hurting themselves the first time out of sheer desperation to change things quickly and feel differently. Great. In addition, they are frequently willing to accept their part of whatever the issue is—AND they are clearly able to do hard things. Perfect! Now—take that same bad-assery and convert it to something less psychologically damaging and socially alienating and you have some of the “non woo-woo” coping methods. Consider the following techniques: Distract. Dads aside, it’s hard to pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time. It’s hard to bite your nails and play piano at the same time. In psychology, this is what is known as “incompatible behavior.” Do things that literally prevent you from thinking about the issue(s). When I was stuck in a car with someone and was tempted to focus on thoughts that would lead me to confront them (not a good idea!) I made myself do long division every time my mind tried to go there. I hate long division so I didn’t have to fight it too much. There are things you can do like putting all of the states in alphabetical order, listing every breakfast cereal you can think of, doing your taxes, etc. that will keep you from getting stuck in the muck of your head. Distraction should not be a long-term strategy, but it can help in a pinch. Do something. If you can do something about it, then do it. If you can take a step toward resolution, go ahead if that makes sense. If there is no possibility of resolution, such as the death of a person you love, then that might mean doing something to help with the funeral arrangements, for example. There’s nothing wrong with seeking a sense of predictability and control. We need that sometimes. Contribute. One of the most powerful ways to get out of your head is to get into someone else’s problem. Now this is not in a weird way, so don’t choose this one if you are the type to get more upset because you end up getting too involved, but if codependency is not your main issue, then give it a try. Come up with some ways you could pitch in and help someone else. Write a thank you letter, bake some cookies for a neighbor, check on an acquaintance or friend going through a break up, or offer to help someone with a household chore. You could even do something anonymous like writing positive cards and leaving them around town for anyone to find. Get creative or go online and search up some ways to help out. Get “delusionally optimistic.” I figure, if I don’t know what’s going to happen and my mind wants to play the “what if” game, why not make the story turn out ridiculously positive? In the “choose your own adventure” of life, I’m going to skip to the end and come up with as many possible positive outcomes as I can dream up. Maybe this happened so that I could find the love of my life! Maybe this happened to prevent a child from dying. Maybe this happened so I could start a new business that would change the world and save the planet! If you can get creative with the negative, you can do the same with the positive. Use your imagination to be just as irrational on the positive side. :) MAKE it mean something (good). Instead of it being “the time that someone hit me in the rear and totaled my car,” it became “the time that the Universe showed me that I did the right thing.” I MADE it mean that. Back story: I needed a new car, but was stressing about what to do with my current one. I didn’t have the time to sell or trade it (single working mom) and it needed to happen soon because it was on it’s last leg. The accident (other person’s fault) meant I ended up in a new rental within 2 hours and in a new car days later with ZERO hassle. I decided that the universe was giving me the “thumbs up” that I did “the right thing” in a completely separate situation I had also been stressing over. I MADE it mean what I wanted it to. Yes, you can do that. No one will arrest you or take you to the psych ward. Interestingly, I don’t make negative things mean anything. I opt to consider “negatives” a fluke or something I’m just too short-sighted to understand how they are actually positives. I just wait for them to prove themselves as positives in disguise! Be an alchemist. This is the coolest one in my opinion. This is when something bad happens, turn it into “gold.” This isn’t doing something good to offset something bad or doing something IN SPITE OF…it’s doing something good BECAUSE OF. You have to be pretty ballsy to do this and maybe a little delusional (see #4) but it is my absolute favorite. This involves taking something “bad” [person bitches you out] and you do something good that you would have never done if it hadn’t have happened [send them holiday cookies]. This can be done anonymously or it can have nothing to do with the person or situation. For example, because the person bitched you out, you will give $20 to the lady who helped you with your groceries when you would normally give $2. I love this for a variety of reasons. I love it because it feels good, because it restores a sense of control, because it is good karma (in my opinion), and because it throws people off and can directly challenge their beliefs about you, the world, and the future. This is something that I think is as close to magic as we humans can generate. We can literally create something good out of something bad! Unbelievable when you really think about it! The bottom line. Now these suggestions are not to say that you can’t or shouldn’t use “woo-woo” strategies. I encourage everyone to try out the “woo.” If you can’t/don’t want to do “woo-woo,” it suggests you actually need to do just that! But then “woo-woo” would be an exposure, not a coping skill. In other words, it might crank up the discomfort—at least at first. So, if you’re looking for something more active and that takes less time, the aforementioned strategies are a good start. Give them a try! The next step. The therapist next-door, AKA Your neighbor is a perfectly fine person to discuss your mental health with. However, to really to make process internally, it is best to seek a professional psychologist or psychiatrist. Finding any new therapist can often be one of the most stressful and anxious times for someone trying to find help. As much as we love the idea of cuddle therapy, it may not be the answer you are searching for, and unfortunately we cannot supply you with a cuddle therapist at this time. It can be easy to find yourself on google, searching for the usual suspects. Searches like “find a therapist near me”, “in person therapy near me” or “find a therapist online”, can be tempting, but with the vast array of search results that come back, it can be almost impossible to know if you are finding the right therapist for you. Mental health is not a one size fits all program. It's time to end the search. At PSYCHē, we match clients with their perfect therapists. Reach out to us today and we'll guide you to the services that are right for you. Contact us to learn more about our services including our Expert Therapists or our DBT Skills Groups. —Stephanie Vaughn, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist-HSP, owner of PSYCHē

Sometimes it is actually not beneficial to ask for help. Excuse me, what??? Aren’t we supposed to call on people when we are distressed? Doesn’t EVERY social media account hosted by mental health professionals post frilly quotes about how important it is to ask for help and how “it’s ok to not be ok?” Well, that’s one part of the elephant. Yes, asking for help is a life skill. We all need to do it sometime if we are going to survive and have satisfying relationships. But just like any “good thing,” we can use it too much. Here are some tips: First, identify what it is that you want: This is harder than it sounds. Before you reach out —ask yourself, “what is it that I would like this person to do (or not do) or say (or not say)?” If you DON’T know what you are looking for, you are asking for trouble. Not to mention that the relationship account will get a major deduction. Take some time to figure out what it is you are hoping for. Do you want suggestions for solving the problem? Do you want some creative strategies for distraction? Cheerleading? Validation? Next, think about the person you are reaching out to—are they actually capable of giving you what you are looking for? Or is it a 50-50? Are you willing to take that chance right now? Maybe when you think about it, you are pretty sure there’s no damn way they would hit the mark. As I always say, “Your mother IS your mother.” In other words, now is not the time to fight reality. If they are not likely to be able to provide what you are hoping for, time to consider plan B. Before you make your first official move, first use perspective-taking. Regardless of your current need, the fact is, when you reach out to another person for help, you need to tuck into some empathy if you want to keep the relationship. What time zone is this person in? Did they work all day? Do they have small children they could be picking up from school? This might change how and when you ask for help. It will almost certainly increase your patience and level of appreciation for their efforts which they will almost certainly pick up on. In an ideal world, there would be people we could use as an emotional dumping ground who would forever be supportive and loving. Hmm…not sure though, that sounds kind of creepy. Regardless, people are not objects and no matter the intensity of love the other person has for you, no human being is limitless. Like it or not, asking for help does take a toll on the helper. Anyone who says differently is kidding themselves or trying to sell you something. Don’t buy it. Of course, this doesn’t mean you “can’t” reach out at all…let’s not go THAT far. Just like you can take money out of your checking account without bankrupting yourself, you can ask for help without bankrupting your relationships. The key is not taking too much at once and adding to the account when you can. You get the picture. Please, thank you, and “is this a good time” can go a long way. Finally, pro tip: DO NOT reach out at the peak of your anxiety. Yes, your anxiety WILL go down (the upside) but the result is your helper will imprint on your mind like a baby duck to its mother (the downside). Then it feels like you HAVE to get in touch with that person to feel better. Not a great place for either party to be. If you are going to reach out, first try to let your anxiety drop naturally a bit—even just a smidge. If you are already “addicted” to your “human Valium,” consider stretching out the time between contacts, talk to them about things other than problems, and/or ask them to help you stop reaching out so much. Bottom line? Asking for help doesn’t mean we are going to get it or get it in the way we need it. As Buddha says “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path” —Stephanie Vaughn, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist-HSP, owner of PSYCHē

“Just calm down.” “It’ll be fine!” “You should (or shouldn’t)…” It’s hard to talk about validation without considering what it is NOT. Hopefully you can immediately see that the statements above are examples of invalidation. Although we don’t need to validate everything (and in fact, it would be unwise to validate everything), we need to at least know HOW to validate. Validation is a skill and it can be learned. It is actually possible to validate ANYTHING. Yes, anything. Just to be clear: Validation is not problem-solving…although it CAN be. Validation is not warmth…although it CAN be. Validation is not agreement…ALTHOUGH IT CAN BE. Confused yet??? I can validate that. [Ha.] Ok, so then what is it? Well…I like to think of validation as stubbornly refusing to respond to another person like they are wrong, crazy, bad, or invisible. Exactly what to say or do then depends on several factors. It should be acknowledged that what is considered validating to one person could feasibly be invalidating to another. So yes, there are individual differences in what people find validating. The more you know about a person, in theory, the higher the likelihood you have of giving a validating response. But truthfully, it is the people we know and love best that can often suffer the pain of our invalidation. Why? Because it can be harder to validate when emotions are involved and invalidation is often returned by invalidation. As I was writing this blog, I looked up to see that my friend was looking for a pen she thought she lost in her chair. As she was looking, I put my writing down and got up to help. As I searched with her she expressed frustration with herself and I responded, “Yeah…I hate when I do that.” When she ended up finding the pen behind her ear I smiled, “I look for my glasses all the time when they are right on my head.” The intention: Help her feel that her problem is important, that she has support, and that she is not strange. This is an example of functional validation (looking for the pen with her) and verbal validation combined. Now let’s say that instead of validating, I used any of the opening lines from the start of this blog such as “just calm down” or “it’ll be fine.” It is probably clear that this would be epically irritating to her. But there are a variety of ways to invalidate! A more likely invalidation might be asking, “how did you lose your pen when you are just sitting there?” [and then laughing]. Or saying, “If you put your pen back in the same spot you won’t lose it!” [and smiling]. An unfortunate phenomenon is that invalidation is often returned with invalidation. In other words, she could then say, [cue sarcastic tone] “Wow that’s a great idea!” or "How about you shut the hell up?” This is, in part, how people get into cycles of problematic communication. But if JUST ONE person can commit to validation, it can really change up the whole dynamic. When uncomfortable emotions are involved, we are more likely to invalidate. When we are afraid, we may problem-solve, give orders, and/or defend instead of listening. When we are angry or embarrassed, we may blame and defend or ignore. We see things from our perspective instead of through the eyes of the other person. We respond based on what WE want, not based on what the other person wants in that moment, and in effect, we hinder communication. So how do you even start to validate when emotions are high? By recognizing when it’s happening (that you are emotional) and that validation needs to occur. Then, keep your mouth closed and listen. Imagine they are not talking about anything to do with you. Imagine, even, that they are another person altogether. That may help you not take things so personally. Then, remind yourself that there is ALWAYS “a nugget of gold” [something to validate] in the “cup of sand” [all the stuff they are saying]. This is how you can set the stage for validation. Now HOW to validate…well, that’s something we'll cover next time. —Stephanie Vaughn, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist-HSP, owner of PSYCHē Interested in exploring therapy? Reach out to PSYCHē for more information, learn more about our expert therapists, or book a consultation online today. We also offer multiple DBT Skills Groups as well as an RO-DBT Skills Group. Groups are like a class, not therapy. Click the link to enroll in a group today.