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All or Nothing: Is Perfectionism Holding You Back?

stressed woman in front of computer
Increasingly overwhelmed by obsessive habits? Consider reflecting on possibly harmful patterns of perfectionism.

In a world where success is top priority, the intense pressure to be perfect can become overwhelming. Perfectionism has indeed become a significant aspect of today's society, driven by various cultural, social, and technological factors. It continues to thrive in our ever-changing and constantly progressing society which validates over-working and overachievement. The expectation to perpetually better ourselves coupled with the weight of sustaining a perfectly maintained exterior can quickly become all-consuming. While striving for excellence and setting high standards can be motivating and lead to personal growth, the relentless pursuit of perfectionism can have detrimental effects on one’s well-being.

What can perfectionism look like in today’s society? What are the impacts? Let's address some of what influences perfectionism and how it can be a detriment to your well-being.

Social Media and Comparison Culture: Social media platforms often present curated and idealized versions of people's lives, fostering an environment where individuals compare themselves to seemingly flawless images and achievements. “Hustle culture” (an intense focus on productivity, ambition, and success, with little regard for rest, self-care, or any sense of work-life balance) comes to mind as a popular phenomenon that may promote harmful patterns of behavior. This constant comparison can fuel perfectionistic tendencies, as people strive to project an image of perfection to gain validation and acceptance.

High Expectations and Pressure: Modern society places a strong emphasis on achievement, success, and constant improvement. As a result, individuals may feel compelled to meet impossibly high standards in various areas of life, such as academics, careers, appearance, relationships, and more. The pressure to excel in all these areas can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout.

Fear of Failure and Risk Aversion: Perfectionism often involves an intense fear of failure and a need to avoid making mistakes at all costs. This fear can paralyze individuals, preventing them from taking calculated risks, trying new things, or pursuing creative endeavors. This risk aversion can hinder personal growth, innovation, and the development of new skills.

Negative Impact on Mental Health: The constant pursuit of perfectionism can contribute to the development or exacerbation of mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. The unrelenting pressure to be flawless and the fear of falling short can lead to chronic feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism.

Impaired Relationships: Perfectionism can extend to interpersonal relationships, where individuals may set unrealistic expectations for themselves and others. This can strain relationships, as the pursuit of perfection may lead to dissatisfaction, criticism, and an inability to appreciate the strengths and imperfections of oneself and others.

Diminished Creativity and Innovation: Perfectionism can stifle creativity and innovation, as individuals may be hesitant to experiment or take risks that might lead to imperfect outcomes. The fear of not meeting high standards can prevent the exploration of new ideas and limit the potential for breakthroughs.

Time and Energy Drain: The pursuit of perfection often demands significant time and energy, leading to a preoccupation with details and an overemphasis on minor aspects of tasks or projects. This can detract from the bigger picture and prevent individuals from allocating resources effectively to achieve meaningful goals.

Unrealistic Goals and Discontentment: Perfectionism can perpetuate a cycle of setting unattainable goals and experiencing chronic dissatisfaction, as the goalposts of perfection are constantly shifting. This can undermine feelings of accomplishment and contentment, as individuals may never feel they have truly achieved success.

How can you identify this in your own life? There are some things you can look for to identify some possibly harmful patterns.

Signs That Perfectionism Is Holding You Back:

  • Fear of Failure: Perfectionists often avoid taking risks due to an intense fear of failure. This fear can feel paralyzing—ultimately preventing you from pursuing new opportunities.

  • Procrastination: Striving for perfection can lead to procrastination as the fear of not meeting high standards can make starting a task seem daunting.

  • Harsh Self-Criticism: Perfectionists are often their own harshest critics. Constant self-criticism can erode self-esteem and hinder progress.

  • All-or-Nothing Thinking: Viewing situations in black and white terms can limit your options and prevent you from seeing the nuances and possibilities in between.

  • Burnout and Stress: The relentless pursuit of perfection can lead to burnout, stress, and even physical health issues.

If this seems applicable to your own life, it may be worth considering that perfectionism could be keeping you from reaching your goals. Luckily, there are skills you can implement to help manage the negative impacts of perfectionism.

Overcoming Perfectionism

  • Challenge Your Inner Critic: Start by becoming aware of your self-critical thoughts. Challenge them by asking yourself if they are based on reality or if they are exaggerated.

  • Set Realistic Goals: Instead of striving for perfection, set achievable and realistic goals. Celebrate small victories along the way.

  • Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend. Remember that nobody is perfect.

  • Embrace Mistakes: Mistakes are opportunities for growth. Embrace them as chances to learn and improve.

  • Focus on the Process: Shift your focus from the end result to the process. Enjoy the process and the learning that comes along with it.

  • Seek Support: Consider gaining support from a mental health professional or therapist. Bringing up your concerns in therapy could help to explore the roots of your perfectionism and develop healthy coping strategies.

How Therapy Can Help

One option to address and manage perfectionism is through therapy. Whether it be individual therapy, group therapy, or even family therapy, individuals can gain insights into the underlying causes of their perfectionistic tendencies and learn strategies to shift their mindset and behaviors. Therapists can provide valuable guidance and support when discussing your concerns and can assist in navigating the challenges of perfectionism. Therapists can also help you develop healthier ways of coping with stress, managing expectations, and setting realistic goals.

Taking The Next Step

If you're considering therapy for perfectionism, it can be helpful to find a therapist who specializes in this area. From Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), or Radically Open DBT (RO-DBT), determining the right therapy for your personal needs can seem daunting. For this reason, it may be helpful to discuss your specific concerns with a mental health professional who can help guide you in the right direction in determining the type of therapy skills and techniques that may work best for you. A qualified therapist can tailor their approach to your specific needs and help you work towards overcoming perfectionism.


Recognizing the signs of perfectionism is an important step towards reclaiming your well-being and happiness. Figuring out the balance between success and well-being is key to living a fulfilling life. The journey to overcoming perfectionism involves embracing your imperfections and creating a life filled with authenticity, growth, and joy. By learning to embrace imperfections and cultivate self-compassion, you can unlock your full potential and thrive in both personal and professional spheres.

Interested in exploring therapy for managing perfectionistic tendencies? At PSYCHē, we have expert therapists who can assess your individual needs and provide personalized recommendations. Reach out for more information or book a consultation online today.

We also offer multiple DBT Skills Groups as well as an RO-DBT Skills Group. Groups are like a class, not therapy. Click the link to enroll in a group today.


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